i'm depressed

Warning this is a ranting post:

So i didn't make the volleyball team, and when I tried cross country I couldn't do that either, because I realized my jaw is hurting again. So for the last few days I've ben a bit of pain and discomfort. I feel horrible that I let this take over my life. Sports in my high school is everything. And I hate not being a part of something. So I guess I'm going to do theatre again next year. I actually stopped enjoying it. And I hate to force myself to do something that I don' like anymore, but I feel like I have no choice. It's already strating to be a bad beginning for sophomore year, and we are only into one week of summer.

On the other side, in just three days I'm going to find myself on a plane on an epic summer vacation. But I'm kind of nervous to go back to Bangladesh. We have like no family here in the US, and everyone lives over there ( or England). I see them every four years, so I'm not as close with any of them. And I didn't actually get along with most of them the last time. Lets just say they had to put up with my very very big ego. And I had to put up with theirs. Their is a massive cultural barier. Our jokes don't translate over well. And I rarely speak Bengali at home, so I guess it sounds very F.O.B. to them. I don't know I mean the las time I went I was this little bratty 11 year old. The sterotypical drama tween. ( and now tween is replaced with teen :] ) no just kidding. I WILL be more mature, even if it kills me. So you guys think this as a last testimony and will ( this is the part where you laugh)
Wow I just managed to change my mood through the entire course of typing. As most of you guys have noticed, I hate typing, so I type with a lot of gramatical mistakes. My apolozies again on that matter.
Okay this is getting very random, did I mention I can't find my leggings and white tank top, which I by the way " NEED".

Ackkkk

so today was the second official day of volleyball tryouts. I think I suck lol. I don't think I'm going to even make it through the first cuts. I'm okay with some parts but there are parts where I stink. I actually practiced a little more today after tryouts to get the hang of it. I hope I do better tomorrow. Or I can kiss my dreams good-bye. They said they are looking for loud people too, so I have try to be more loud. Which is really hard when You are concentrating on hitting the ball. I'm not that tall either, so I'm at a bit of a disadvantage. only 5'3". haha.
I've been running everyday this week. Twice a day. After volleyball to get home, because my mom would rather feed my younger sister, who really is old enough to eat by herself now. And after Asr ( late afternoon). Today we jogged to one of my sister's friends house and back. My legs are soooooo sore :( anyways just wanted to give you a quick update before I went to bed. Good night!!!!

Last day of school

So sorry for the lack of posts finals are done and Thursday was the last day of school and my freshamn year. Wow. thats pretty much all I can say. Apart form the emo-ness and getting sick that was pretty much the best year of my life. I'm offically a sophomore. people have told me that freshamn year is the ost memorable and sophomore year isn't as intersting. I really hope its not true, I'm looking forward to so much more from my high school years. Well volleyball tryouts are on Monday. I'm kind of glad I have cross country as a back up if volleyball doesn't work out for me.  I'm leaving for vacation on the 21st. so except little to no posts for the summer. I'll return sometime in August. By then Ramadan will begin. Wow its almost been a whole year. Its kind of crazy. Life is going on so fast. I was at a party on Thursday and my mom's friends was telling us how she remembers there being enough time to plat for hours in her childhood. It seems like the world is rushing y these days. Yeah. So I better start packing!

Today was good

Last full day of school. I had everyone sign my big pink purse and it got COVERED from signitures some of the ink kinda smudged onto my hands and new shirt. I luckily managed to wash it off. I felt kinda exicted but a bit sad that my freshman year is coming to an end. This was by far the best school year I have ever had. I hope that the following years can be hald as good. I feel like I've grown up as a person and a Muslim. I understand my religion better even if I don't wear hijab. I'd rather be a better Muslim and not wear hijab then not give a rip about it all together. Suprisingly blogging helped me with this. I've gotten sick and learned life is not fair but we have to deal with it and move on and thank god for every moment we are alive. i've learned not to proud of myslef and be arrogant and that humility is best. Personal experience from this year showed me what can happen when I am too over-confident. I've stopped cutting I've learned that its okay to be upset and that I'm not responsible for other people shit and I don't have to feel bad, just keep your head held high and keep going. I've learned its okay to cry, and to show emotions. I've learned what true friends mean. I've learned how to make friends and not to keep quiet but get involved in conversations. I've learned not to wait for something to happen but to create your own destiny. But most of all I learned to be a better person.

This year was filled with so many memories and laughs and tears. From learning that my old friends weren;t in my classes, tolearning who my true friends are. to joining theatre. To not wearing hijab. To making friends. To dealing with family issues. To all that stuff called education. To my health. To realize my love for sports. to heart break. To confusion. To elatemnet. To strange walks from class to class. To vacations. to weekends. To family. To friends.

  So R.I.P. big pink purse, one door is closing and I'm alomost through the next one.

Four days left

Four days left of school! which means finals and yearbook signings. this year I didn't buy a yearbook because my high school ones are pretty expensive. So I'm going to have people sign my big, hot pink purse that I use everyday for school. I don't wan't to use it anymore so I'll just keep it as a memory of freshman year. So there is thing on facebook my friends have been doing. You put as your status " if you like this status, I'll write something nice about you". So we use this as an oppurtunity to write nice things about each other and write mushy, gushy stuff. I'm not a mushy, gushy person so, lol this was a bit of a challenge for me.
I love what people wrote about me though. Haha mostly stuff about my big pink purse and about my fashion obsession. I was bored today i decided to cut my bangs up a bit. So yea thats it for today. Oh yea one little thing to Naz incase you didn't see my comment.

I'm a bit confused with the Hijabis on ranting tour. which blog is yours?

The following game

So recently someone has played the following game with me. I dont want to mention names. So she asked me and my sister to follow her blog because she was followiung me. Fair enough I like to have people follow me too. So I immediatly responded, but my sister didn't right away. Soon enough she stopped following my sisters blog. So then she responded to the email the girl and followed her. The girl followed her back. So today i checked my blog dashboard and she had stoppped following me, oddly enough the amount of followers has increased rapidly on her blog, more than I have ever seen on any other blogger's blog. My sister calls this the following game. It feels like some people just blog to get followers.