ALMOST 2010

So here ends another year. There ahs been the good, the bad, and the very random. I've been through alot in my life this year and learned a lot. I think i really grew up a lot this year as well. 2010 will be a very special year for cuz I'll be turning 15 that year and for mee well that's a big deal. I know im young and i have a lot more more to go through and a lot more to learn and my life is just getting started, by i think i've really hit a milestone in my life.

Looking back, i realized I've cried more this year than i think i ever had. I've been down right miserable and scared. But actually i have learned more about Islam and understood my faith more in the process and plus I have a lot to be thankful for. I mean i have a family who loves me though they really understand me, a big house and a roof over my head, friends who care about me, and i never go a day without food and water.

I think of all those who have suffered a great deal in this world through poverty and war and it makes me realize we really should enjoy every moment of precious life we have had so blessedly given to us.

To everyone who reads this blog, Muslim and Non-muslim i wish you the happiest of times and good fortune and may 2010 be an awsome year for you.

IM BAKK!

my vacation was greatttt! and not long after i was able to upload pictures and post them on facebook lol. so before we left wednesday morning i got a surprise visit from two friends of mine who brought over a christmas present for me. i was like aww u guys dont have i mean i dont even celebrate christmas but they were like ohh its ok we wanted to. so I got a tshirt n a pair of earings frm forever21 plus my mom's friends gave me a $25 forever21 gift card. (im really known to love forever21). so the vaction was great tonsa snow and i went on hike/rockclimbing experience on the shore of a river. my parents friends own a motel there so we got free food and rooms. however their cooking had a ton of oils n spices tht affected me later which i will get to in a moment. yesterday night i went to a party of my err second cuzin once removed or something like tht where i met ppl who happened to be long lost relatives! aha well last night i was going to lseep when a friend texted me at 11s o i decided to talk to her i was planning to fast today like i did yesterday for Muharram. well around 12 i got horrible cramps and pains like i was on period but ten times worse and all over my stomach area. i went downstairs for tumbs but cudnt find any, so i had to wake up my mom and then the cramps got much worse so my mom gave me a hot water pack n other assorted medicines cuz apperently the food i had eaten during my vacation had affected me.

so yea thts pretty it.

LALALA

Today i must... pack
study for finals, correction attempt to open a book and try to read it for than 30 secs
finish homework given by cruel teachers that dont understand vacation is meant for not remembering that i even go to a school
watch more tv and waste my life

:]

Going good

So even though I have a nasty cold, I've been feeling a lot better. My latest solution to depression: sugar. I was talkin to a friend of mine and we were discussing why I've been feeling down I couldn't come with an explanation. So we talked about her life and she said she had actually lost weight since we have been on break. She says she cut junk food from her diet. Now I'm a weird super self-concious freak who doesn't eat junk food, I've been going even more healthy and so fatty foods had been cut off from my diet. From my genetics and actually I'm very skinny girl and my friend yelled at me for not eating like a normal perosn. A while before when i was always happy I used to eat a lot of junk and decided to put a little more sugar back in my diet. It helped. I'm serious! It really did. From now on I'll start eating like a normal teenager again. LOL....well until I become disgusted with myself for eating like that :)

Paranoid and happiness

yesterday night i had a panik atack. i started heaving and crying. when my parents asked me what was wrong i tried to cover it up and say i was sick and was coughing. but i eventually told them the truth. it tore my heart out to see how worried they were. but what could i do... they asked me if i wanted tos ee the doctor at first i was going to say yes but i realized how much money it would cost. so at the end we are going to take a vzction to get my mind of things. i realized many people are worse off and that i should count my blessings. my parents tolld me to keep praying and ask allah for help. i guess i will see what happens in the future.

Mixed blessings

yes, i know my background is well....er quite emo. contradictory to what this makes of fisrt impressions of me, im not always all moody and dark. usually im quite giddy and a bit ditzy, this just sort of suits my mood for today.

as for ranting, i am depressed about a schoool musical. i auditioned and didn't make it. but that is not exactly makes me sad avout it, it is just that i gave up so much and had my heart set on it, as well as convincing terrified friends to stick with their auditions, cheering them on and encouraging them. i was too confident of myself, that is where my fault was. so where are they now? they have parts and i don't. KARMA.

i had a panik attack on friday. i am not yet emotionallyv ready to take in bad news and bad events so i let anxiety and anger rule me. but a friend of mine stayed with me calming me down cleaning me up from mascara tears.

but friday wasn't all bad, i had fun as well. but that what happened is vey vey personal for me to just yet share on this blog.

this is the story....

this is the story of how i need rehab from life. i need rehab from a lot of things actually. i need to actually start wearing my religious headscarf instead of taking it off in the first ten minutes of the day. i need to stop being emo and cutting. i need learn not to get bipolar moods all the time. as well learn to trust people. i need to believe in myself. i need to develop a happy realtionship with the people around me. and most inportantly have someone confiscate all the sharp objects i have from me :]

yea most people thinkl its typical teen drama. but hey everyone goes through things. right????? and this just happenes to be my way of dealing with it. i push myself way to hard at times. trty to be the best at everytging. but who am i kidding, i am not perfect and my life is not perfect.


so this will be journey of trying to find happiness in my life.....